Although I am only 35 years old, I would say that I’ve gained wisdom beyond my years. My life has been marked, not only by the circumstances many of us face throughout our daily lives but also by the circumstances, in which very few actually go through and endure. I would say my youth, as a kid growing up poor while living with my mother, and later living in the suburbs with my father, being placed in foster care, only to be dropped from high school at 16 years old and having to quickly become a man, from attaining my GED at Cassadaga Job Corps to joining the U.S. Army at 17 years old, being deployed to Iraq at 19 years old and again at 21 years old while friends and people I knew died around me, and having to go to Afghanistan and train another country soldiers even though they hated me, and wanted to kill me in my sleep, I have endured and overcome. So, although, my experience and background aren’t the be-all, know-all, I have overcome many things to include the impact of abuses, including psychological, and emotional abuse to be here where I am now. Even with so many negative events happening in my life, God allowed me to have glimmers of hope and happiness by placing specific individuals in my life at particular points throughout.
As I was writing this post, all I could think about was what is the best way to express through writing the people that were in my life throughout the happiest and saddest times. Well, before I get into that, let me first say, I've learned that many of the people in your life that will be right there when you need someone, is sadly not your family, but rather they are strangers or friends. I know, not every circumstance is the same, but for me, and many people I've spoken too over the years the storyline remains the same; sometimes family can be the ones most jealous, envious, or just hating on you. Sometimes the family will use that special word 'FAMILY' as a tool to hurt you, belittle you, or step on your dreams. Sometimes you just got to keep your mouth shut and not share nothing with FAMILY, because doing so, you know will lead to unforeseen obstacles and barriers that can prevent you from the success you are trying to achieve or the hurt you want to overcome.
Getting back to the primary reason for this post
I've learned firsthand that family 'FOR ME' was not always the people there when I needed someone, again, many times 'for me,' those people 'there' when I needed encouragement, motivation, help, a listening ear, and compassion were friends or strangers, and of course my wife. So, one may ask, wow, Lorenzo, you had/have great friends, and I would say, well, I like to think so, but you more than likely have some of these great friends, supporters, encouragers around you now, while some are not. For this topic, I believe TD Jakes (Christian Church-The Potter's House, Bishop) said it best, “The Confidant is a friend that is into you. You can share anything with them. They are there for the long haul. They are there when you are up or down and if you get into trouble they'll get into trouble with you" Bishop Jakes said we are lucky if we find two or three of them within our lifetime. The next friend type is one that many of us may think is your friend, but really isn’t, Mr. Jakes said, “The Constituent – They are not into you. They are there for what you are into so they will work with you and you’ll have to know that because if they meet someone that will further their agenda they will leave you.” Finally, Mr. Jakes concludes by stating, “The Comrade – They are not for you. They are against what you are against. They come into your life like scaffolding. They will team up with you to fight the enemy but do not be confused with those associations for they will remove themselves after the victory is accomplished” (WATCH IT HERE: TD JAKES, 2014, https://youtu.be/bc8o4KuThBE).
Considering everything I just said throughout the entirety of this post, what kind of friends do you have around you? To be honest, some of my readers may read this blog and watch the YouTube video attached and think, damn, some of my family can fit these descriptions. Hey, Maybe!!! Sometimes even family as my aunt and uncle shared with me once or twice a while ago, you have to love from a distance. Yeah, you still love them and wish them well, but you know what, don't let no one take your happiness/joy away from you. Personally, my life has been filled with all three types of friends, and I’ve lost a lot of friends, but who has stuck by my side and gotten me through all kind of crazy situations has been the Confidants and in some cases (because sometimes they are needed only to help you get from point A to B, and after that, they are out of your life) is the Constituents. Again, I ask, what type/quality of friends do you have around you? Do you even trust any of your friends or family to be there if you truly needed them?
I look forward to hearing from you all, please share your thoughts. To leave a comment please quickly add your email and sign-in, there is no charge!
Thank you Lynn for your feedback and support of my blogs!
I would like to address your comments by saying you are sooooooo right! 😊
I believe the struggle is getting to point you referenced in your comment, 'love and trust one person, YOU.' It does take some time to mature (As Humans/People) and get to a point where we (I) can fully accept that statement as a sense of self fulfillment (If that makes sense? 😒), and when we finally do---more happiness. Personally, I have already begun the journey of growing and building on loving myself more and more. It's hard to love someone else without first loving yourself. Although I do Love myself❤️, there is always time for…
An important topic to talk about and one everyone can relate to. As the old saying goes: "you can choose your friends but not your family".
On family, you talked about above ... one would expect and want their family, blood relatives to be the front and center throughout their lifetime but that, as you noted, is not always the case. The family members are just people and are unpredictable and sadly have their own agenda that may not include you. I, too, experienced a tremendous of sadness and hurt from family because everyone is led to believe that family comes first and will always stick by you. Not the case so that is where your inner self, core, he…